Posts

Boy-I wasn't that drunk.. . . . . . . . . . . Friend- "Dude you were in my pool trying to find nemo!" "you asked your girlfriend if she was single" "You were arguing with yourself, over the phone n got upset when you hung up" "you were in my closet yelling, "where is narnia?" "you were throwing rocks at my cat screaming "GO PIKACHU!" "you hugged a man with a white beard and cried DUMBLEDORE YOU'RE BACK!"...:P :D

on

6 of the worst pains in the world: 1) knocking your elbow or knee against a table or chair real hard. 2) burning your tongue on a hot drink. 3) stepping on a sharp rock or prickle. 4) paper cuts. 5) stubbing your toe 6) biting you tongue! like if you have experienced any of these excruciating pains before! ^ UM you sort of forgot getting kicked in the balls.. and childbirth... ^^You also forgot listening to "Friday" by Rebecca Black....

on

A bus full of ugly people met with an accident, all of them died. Before entering heaven, they were given one wish, the first said: "make me beautiful" and it happened. The rest followed the same wish, when it came to the last person he was laughing. The voice asked him: why are you laughing? what is your wish? The last person answered: make them all ugly again!

on

Grandpa: When i was your age my momma would send me down to the store with $1 and I would come back with 5 bags of potatoes 2 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk a box of tea and 6 eggs but you cant do that these days to many stupid security cameras

on

Broccoli: I m not happy with my looks...I look like a tree. Walnut: and I look like a brain! :/ Mushroom: that"s not too bad... I look like an umbrella..Banana: can we please change the topic!! =DX_X

on

Dad: I want u 2 marry a girl of my choice.... Son: No.. Dad: "The girl is Bill Gates` daughter." Son:" Then ok " Dad goes to Bill Gates... Dad: "I want your daughter to marry my son." Bill Gates: "No" Dad: "My son is d CEO of the World Bank." Bill Gates: "Then ok " . Dad goes to the President of the World Bank.. Dad:" Apoint my son as the CEO of your bank." President:"No!" Dad: "He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates." President:"Then ok...!!" This is BUSINESS.

on

VODKA. . . Deleting Memories Since 1405

on

when i`m laying in bed at night i think about my life, my regrets, what i did today, what i`m doing tomorrow, who i wish was in my life, what i should have said, & what would happen if i did things differently, but mostly, i think about what would happen

on

Having guy friends! No drama, no betrayal, no jealousy, they`re much more entertaining, and they`re straight up. They`re like your brothers, and got your back, instead of stabbin you in it

on

Boy says to girl : would you wear socks if you had no feet..? Girl: no.....!! Boy: then why do you wear a bra?

on

Wife: Listen, your best friend is getting married to a really horrible girl, why dont you stop him? . Husband: Why should I stop him? He never stopped me!

on

TODAY, I saw a cute little six or seven year old girl wearing Hannah Montana socks. I asked her if she liked Hannah Montana. She said no; she liked to wear these socks, because she got to step on Miley Cyrus every time she walked. I love this kid.

on

Look, your girlfriend is gorgeous! She`s amazing and she LOVES you. So why do you still feel the need to seek attention from other girls? Don`t you know other guys try to talk to her too but she won`t give them the time of day..

on

What makes a girl pretty is her face. What makes a girl cute is her behavior. What makes a girl hot is her body. What makes a girl beautiful is her personality. What makes a girl stunning is all of the above.

on

That awkward moment when you start telling a story and you realize no one`s listening, so you slowly fade out and pretend you never said anything.

on

A black man walks to a bar. a white man says: "colored people are not allowed in here." the black man says: "when i am born i am black; when i am cold i am black; when i am sick i am black and when i am dead i am black! but when you are born you are pink; when you are cold you are blue; when you are sick you are green and when you are dead you are purple! yet you have the nerve to call me colored?!" like it, if you are AGAINST RACISM

on

"Hmm, how can I look at her boobs but not look at her boobs?" - Guy who invented sunglasses.

on

She`s moved on. and i feel sorry for you because she thought you were the most amazing boy ever. if she could have any guy in the world, she would have picked you above the others. she thought you were different. she was wrong. Now you`re just another guy to her.

on

i don`t care if you`re black, white, straight, bisexual, gay, lesbian, short, tall, fat, skinny, rich or poor. If you`re nice to me, I'll be nice to you. Simple as that. - Eminem

on

Dear Mom and Dad, Please don`t freak out if I don`t answer my phone the first time. The chances of the battery being dead are much greater than the chances that I`ve been abducted and murdered by a serial killer. Sincerely, 35 missed calls.

on

A blonde was withdrawing money from the ATM machine. The blonde behind her: HAHA I saw your pin number, it`s four stars! First blonde (the one withdrawing the money): HAHA you're wrong, it`s 1566!

on

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!"

on

My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. As she was leaving, she yelled "You need to grow up!". I don`t know what has gotten into her. It`s probably because i didn`t give her the password to my secret fort.

on

My ex girlfriend decided to send me a picture of her and her new boyfriend in bed, naked. So I sent it to her father. ;)

on

i hate girls who take photos of them selfs and upload them onto facebook and then when someone comments on it saying they look lovely or something they then say no i dont i look rotten , welll why the f*ck did ya upload it silly b**ch

on

Hot Girl: Haha what a nerd! Me: He`ll probably be your boss one day, so be careful about what you say... Nerd: No I wont be her boss, because I don`t plan on becoming a pimp. Whole Class: Ohhhh Sh*t!

on

...condom says to the tampon, "You put me out of a job for 1 week a month!" The tampon replies, "When you don`t do your job properly, I lose mine for 9 months!"

on

Dear Boys, It`s just so funny how you think you know me. You think I`m weird ugly & stupid. Here`s the funny part-- I dont even know your name. Sincerely, The Girls you look at everyday.

on

I read smoking is bad, I stopped smoking, I read drinking is bad, I stopped drinking, I read SEX is bad, I stopped Reading!!

on

Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that made you smile

on

Katy Perry`s living her Teenage Dream.. Lady Gaga`s ignoring her Telephone.. Travie McCoy`s is a Billionaire.. While Justin Bieber is having a Baby.

on

“A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms. He replies, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?" She responds, "No, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?”

on

Boy: "Hey baby, want to come over tonite?" Girl: "Sure! What do you want to do?" Boy: "I`ll give you a hint. It involves pillows and blankets ;)" Girl: "OH MY GOD! WE`RE GONNA BUILD A FORT!?" Boy:...........

on

Girl: I can be naughty Boy:How naughty?? Girl: Reall Naughy Boy: Show me :) Girl: **Snaps the boys black ops disk** Boy:....

on

Dear Math, Stop asking me to find your x. Shes not coming back. Youre so annoying! Now we know why she left you in the first place. Sincerely, Students not Private Detectives.

on

Boy: "Hey baby, want to come over tonite?" Girl: "Sure! What do you want to do?" Boy: "I will give you a hint. It involves pillows and blankets ;)" Girl: "OH MY GOD! WE'RE GONNA BUILD A FORT!?"

on

Dear Math, I liked you so much before Before You and Alphabets started hooking up. Sincerely Everyone.

on

Oh great now that song`s stuck in my head all day and i only know 1 line

on

Daughter - IPod. Son - IPhone. Mom - iPad. Dad - I Pay.-_-

on

When I call my parents, and they dont answer its no big deal but when they call me and I dont answer its like World War III :P :D

on

Music Is My Drug ♥

on

That awkward moment when you are yelling at someone & and you mess up a word..

on

NO Ipods Allowed AT School , Yeah like Eminem is gonna rap me the answers.

on

Yes... I`m a human. I push doors that clearly say PULL I laugh harder when I try to explain why I`m laughing. I walk into a room and [forget] why I was there I count on my fingers in math class I try to accomplish things with time still on the microwave I wish for Love every 11:11, [I][Lie][Sometimes] to hide the pain I say its a long story when it`s really not I fall in love too hard too fast all. ;)

on

My math book has committed suicide, he had too many problems.

on

Admit it. ..................................... At some point in time you have tried to see if you had superpowers.

on

My girlfriend invited me to her house, I found her sister alone in the house, she was unbelievably sexy, she whispered in my ear, "i have feelings for you, shall we have s*x" , I immediately turned around and walked to the front door to go to my car, I found my girlfriend standing there, she hugged me and said: "you`ve won my trust"... Moral of the story: always keep your condoms in the car.

on

lazy fact #7256452565156897 you were too lazy to read that number.

on

That moment of joy when you see your food coming in a restaurant.

on

I do not need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.

on

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

on

I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.

on

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

on

80 year old man: My 28 year old wife is pregnant, your opinion Doctor? Doctor: Let me tell you a story. A hunter in a hurry grabs an umbrella instead of the gun. He moves into the jungle, sees a lion, lifts the umbrella, pulls the handle and... BANG... The lion drops dead! Old man: Thats impossible; someone else must have shot the lion.... Doctor: MY POINT EXACTLY!

on

Dear MTV, I was wondering if I could get my "M" back, you know, since you arent using it. Sincerely, _usic

on

Me: I am a Ninja Samantha: No youre not. Me: Did you just see me do that? Samantha: Do what? Me: Exactly.

on

‎Few people have Swine Flu and everyone starts wearing masks. Millions of people have AIDS and no-one wears condoms. Stupidity.

on